What’s YOUR Communication Style? Better Relationships for women in Charleston, SC

What is your communication style?

Are you passive, passive-aggressive, aggressive—or something else entirely? Communication is more than just talking or listening—it’s knowing when to do which. The goal is to move smoothly between listening and expressing yourself, depending on the moment. Developing your communication skills can be incredibly useful for strengthening your work success and social life. Intentional communication can also deepen the quality of your relationships. Harnessing your communication skills for your intimate relationships improves the connection, cohesiveness, and the ability to work through the inevitable conflicts. 

Communication Zones

There are different “communication zones”, each with a purpose. Sometimes, we need to lead or be direct. Other times, we need to listen and support. A lot of times we are living somewhere in between. By understanding and harnessing skills from each zone, you can seamlessly navigate your personal and professional relationships with more awareness.The three zones of communication include the receiving zone, the directing zone, and the “mixed” zone. Each zone describes the quantity of contribution to the conversation, but all are equal in importance and quality of communication. Effective communication is assertive communication. One can be assertive in all three zones. 

The receiving zone includes more listening then talking. This zone is incredibly effective for communicating by letting others feel seen and heard and by understanding a different or new experience. When disengaged, stressed, disoriented, or scared, this zone looks a lot like passive communication which is ineffective due to the lack of connection and authenticity. It’s hard for meaningful change to happen when one party is being passive. 

The directing zone includes more talking and leading in conversations. The directing zone is crucial for expressing visions, needs, and boundaries. This zone is important for self-protection, self-expression, and leading. This zone can be very ineffective if someone is so stressed and disoriented that they are coming across as aggressive. Aggressive communication feels hostile and discouraging of other voices. 

The mixed zone is in the middle of the receiving and directing zone and uses both listening and contributing to communicate with others. This zone is collaborative and often focused on problem solving and connection building. If someone is unskilled or uncomfortable with directive communication, they are more likely to lean into this zone with “passive-aggressive” tendencies. This means when they try to express a need, vision, or boundary they may do so in a way that is unclear, confusing, or uninviting. 

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Reflection questions:

Communication styles exist across a spectrum and you may have different styles in different areas in your life. You may naturally fall more often in to one zone, and that’s okay! Consider your area of strength and the others as your areas of growth! Use these reflection questions to explore where you may fall on the spectrum in different areas of your life. 

• Are you more of a listener or a talker? Think deeper: do you work things out by talking it out or being quiet with your thoughts? Do you love expressing yourself or do you love hearing more about other people?

• When are you more likely to be a good listener? When are you more likely to say something you don’t mean?

• Is it easy or hard for you to express your thoughts, needs, or boundaries? When you speak? What do you share? 

• Are you more reserved with private details or do you lean towards dumping it all out?

• Do you avoid or embrace conflict? Are you a people-pleaser, or do you like shaking things up?

• In what areas in my life (ex: work, friends, family, etc.) do I feel most comfortable expressing myself? Which areas do I feel least comfortable? Why?

• What makes you feel grounded? What actions or activities make you feel calm, clear, and secure?

• What makes you feel empowered? What actions or activities make you feel confident and expressive? 

Before you speak, get grounded.

Feeling overwhelmed or reactive? Try this:

• Pause and reflect- how stressed and regulated am I feeling right now? 

• Take some deep breaths or engage in one of your favorite calming activities- give yourself some time whether it’s a 60 seconds or 24 hours to make sure you are in a less reactive place of communication.

• Remember your intention- Ask what you are trying to achieve out of your communication?

Speak Confidently, get empowered.

Feeling like the cat has your tongue? Try this.

• Reach out to a friend for support- reach out to your favorite hype person or someone you know you can trust to practice or get some encouragement. 

• Try writing it out first- put the words to paper to give yourself some practice and clarity! 

• Exercise, sing, draw, or do whatever it is that makes you feel most strong and most like yourself. 

How to Set Boundaries with Roommates, Friends, and Professors (Without Feeling Guilty!)

Boundaries. That word alone can make your stomach twist, right? If you’re a college student or young adult, chances are you’ve run into situations where you wanted to say no, but didn’t. Maybe it was a roommate who kept borrowing your clothes, a friend who keeps unloading her problems at 2 a.m. (!!), or a professor who expected more than your schedule could realistically allow.

At Ethredge Counseling Group, we hear this all the time: “I know I need boundaries, but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

The guilt is real.

But here’s the thing, boundaries aren’t mean! They’re actually the foundation of healthy, respectful relationships. In fact, at ECG, we believe clear is actually kind!

Let’s break down how to set boundaries with people in your life, without carrying a ton of guilt or second guessing yourself.

What Are Boundaries, Really?

Boundaries are the limits you set for yourself to protect your time, energy, mental health, and personal space. Think of them like invisible fences. They’re not walls to keep people out, but guidelines for how others can interact with you in ways that feel safe and respectful.

Without boundaries, relationships tend to get confusing, overwhelming, or even harmful. When you're juggling school, a social life, work, and your own wellbeing? Boundaries aren’t just a good idea, they’re a necessity.

The Guilt Trap: Why Setting Boundaries Feels So Hard

Let’s be honest. Many of us were raised to be accommodating, “nice”, agreeable, or even self sacrificing. Saying “no” can feel selfish when you’re just starting out on your boundaries journey. You might worry people will get mad, pull away, or think you’re difficult. (Again, that’s a very normal feeling when you are just starting to learn healthy communication skills!)

Here’s the truth: people who care about you will respect your boundaries. The ones who don’t? That says more about them than it does about you. They may need a little time to adjust to your new boundaries, and if they can’t adjust, that may give you some good information about the future of that relationship.

Setting boundaries isn’t about pushing people away or being mean. It’s about protecting your energy so you can show up for your life, your goals, and your relationships in a healthier and happier way.

Boundaries with Roommates: Your Space, Your Sanity

Living with someone, especially someone you didn’t know well before college, can be tricky. Little things like shared spaces, guests, noise, and cleanliness can cause big tension without clear expectations.

Try this:

• Set up a “roommate meeting” early on (and even monthly!). Talk about preferences for sleep schedules, guests, chores, and alone time.

• Be direct but respectful: “Hey, I’ve been having a hard time sleeping when there’s noise after midnight. Can we figure out a quiet time that works for both of us?”

• Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory: “I feel overwhelmed when the kitchen is left messy, and it makes it hard for me to focus. Can we work out a cleanup routine?”

Roommate boundaries aren’t about being picky, they’re about protecting your long term peace and fostering mutual respect.

Boundaries with Friends: Saying No Without Losing the Friendship

Friendship is supposed to feel mutually supportive, not draining. But sometimes, especially in college, you may find yourself in dynamics where you’re the default problem solver, the one always saying yes, or the one avoiding hard conversations.

Here’s how to shift that:

• Be honest: “I love being here for you, but I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed right now. Can we talk later when I have more energy to listen?”

• Don’t over explain. A simple “I won’t be able to make it tonight, but I hope it’s fun! Let’s hang out next week!” is totally enough.

• Watch for one-sided friendships. If someone consistently crosses your boundaries or gets upset when you express your needs, that might be a red flag.

Healthy friendships can survive boundaries, and often get stronger because of them.

Boundaries with Professors: Advocating for Yourself Academically

Professors might seem intimidating, but they’re human, too! While it’s important to meet your academic responsibilities, it’s also okay to speak up when you’re overwhelmed or need clarity.

Examples of healthy academic boundaries:

• Asking for extensions when appropriate: “I’m managing a high workload right now and would really benefit from a short extension. Would it be possible to have an extra 48 hours for this assignment?”

• Clarifying expectations: “Could you help me better understand what you’re looking for in this project?”

• Being firm but respectful: “I can’t take on extra responsibilities for the group project right now, but I’ll focus on completing my assigned part thoroughly.”

You deserve to learn and grow in an environment that supports your mental health, not just your GPA.

Tips for Setting Boundaries Without the Guilt

Even when you know you need to set a boundary, the guilt can sneak in.

Try these mindset shifts:

• You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings. You can be kind and clear, and how they respond is up to them. There is a difference between hurting someone, and harming someone. A new boundary might temporarily hurt someone’s feelings, but a healthy boundary is a good thing for all involved.

• Boundaries = honesty. You’re letting people see the real you and giving them the chance to meet you there.

• Practice helps. Start with small boundaries and work your way up. It gets easier the more you do it. It’s just like a muscle that hasn’t been used before! It might not feel great at first, but you will get stronger and healthier over time!

Note: Boundaries don’t need to come with a TED Talk. Sometimes a simple, “I’m not available for that right now” is all it takes :)

What If Someone Doesn’t Respect Your Boundaries?

This can be painful, but it’s important data. If someone regularly pushes past your limits, dismisses your needs, or punishes you for asserting yourself, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.

Respect is a two way street. Boundaries help you figure out who’s truly in your corner. Remember, boundaries are simply letting people how best to love and support you. A true friend can learn to respect that and appreciate your bravery in sharing that.

Therapy Can Help You Build Boundary Confidence

At Ethredge Counseling Group, we support students and young adults who are learning how to speak up for themselves, protect their energy, and prioritize mental health without guilt.

If setting boundaries is new, scary, or triggering old patterns, that’s okay. It takes practice, and support. Our therapists are here to help you build those skills and use your voice with confidence!!

Final Thought: You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to ask for space. You are allowed to protect your time, your energy, and your mental health.

Boundaries are not the end of connection. They are the beginning of healthy connection.

And the more you practice, the more empowered you’ll feel.

We’re cheering you on every step of the way!!